Monday, January 12, 2009

6 packs or 8 packs - nothing is farfetched: a health blog

This is in continuation of my previous post (nothing to do with mythology though). I am going to give you the secret of 6 packs- the 10 steps to attain the 6 or 8 packs. With reference to the Brad Pitt poster in my previous blog, I managed to find these posters online of Brad Pitt (refer the pics) and in addition I have put my all time favorite Nicole Scherzinger’s pics as well for the girls who visit my blog. As the title reads, it’s all about achieving the ‘V’ shaped look for the Guys and the Hour Glass look for the Girls. The following are the steps which I have tried our before and proved to be successful, but as any other body workouts these workouts has their side effects as well, so I am listing out everything down here, hope this will be very useful to you all. I know many find it too boring or hard to go to gym. Hence I am giving you ten brand new exercises/workouts found exclusively by me and I hold copyright for the same. Any reproduction of this write up in any other blog or book is punishable under the law but you can try it out at home at your own risk. So let’s see what I have in store for you:

1) Cycling/Walking behind an ass:

Here I mean not a donkey but a real human ass. Many would have found it boring to do the stable cycling or walk in a tread mill in a gym. So, this is the alternative method I have found out. I am sure there should be at least one girl/guy in your area or in a nearby college or in your office, who would have really attracted you and you, would have some sort of inclination towards her/him. Now that’s the ass you are going to follow, take your cycle or use your legs and follow them to their house, office, college wherever they go. Let it be miles, trust me you will not be tired and without your knowledge you will be losing all the extra pounds and will get into the 6 packs within a period of 6 months (you should do it every day though). It will be better if the person lives far off, the more the distance she/he is away the sooner you lose the fat. The positive thing about this is that the person might fall in love with you.

Side Effects: D Guys have the chances of getting whacked by the girl’s father/brother or arrested under the charges of eve-teasing and Girls have the chances of being mistaken rightly as a desperate case.

2) Jogging but if it is faster than you then Run:

In tread mill you can run inclined-flat what not? But it is boring and also it’s a run to nowhere. And you will not get the expected results within a quick span of time. So, let me give you an alternative. Check for a ferocious stray dog/pet dog let lose in your area, go and disturb him (don’t try any type of physical harm to the dog- as I am a member of blue cross), you can just call it with names or bark at it, (I am sure like us even dogs will get mad if you don’t speak their language rightly). It will start to chase you so to escape jog your way out but if it is faster than you then RUN. This is a sure shot way to shed the extra pounds.

Side Effects: D The dog can be faster than you even if you run and you can suffer a bite, followed by admission in hospital, painful injections (might get to meet a hot nurse, which occurrence is farfetched). D You might be whacked by the Dog’s owner.

3) Weight Lifting:

This is another hard task you do in Gym, lifting weights and end up having a muscle twist or pull, it might be boring to lift an iron rod with weights. Here is the alternative method; it will be easy if you have a girl friend/boy friend. Carry her/him any number of times on a given day. Lift them with both hands, one hand, above your head, shoulder level but lift them. If you don’t have a boy friend or girl friend, then simply follow what our film heroes do on road, you might find some old lady/man who is waiting to cross a road, go to her/him lift them and help them cross the road by carrying them. The positive thing is the old lady/man will bless you; a bystander may be impressed; if you contest in elections the people who saw you doing such service may vote for you.

Side Effects: D You may not be strong enough to carry your girl/boy friend and might be embarrassed before them. D The old lady/man will mistake you as a robber/kidnapper/thief/pervert.

4) Swimming – fully covered:

I don’t know how many of you know swimming, but if you know it’s good, if you don’t know then it’s very good. Join a swimming class where you see more hot boys/girls, if you know swimming, you can swim along with those hot chicks/hunks in swim suits and drooling over them while swimming, sheds the extra pounds. If you don’t know swimming then its even better, you can jump into the water and hold on to the railings in the pool, and when a hot chick/hunk comes near ask her/him to teach you swimming. This helps again to develop more than your body.

Side Effects: D There are chances of you getting drowned without any assistance. D The tutor in the swimming pool might not be a hot chick/hunk. D You might catch a cold due to swimming.

5.) Dieting- look before you eat:

Dieting is a very hard thing to do for anyone. I am giving you an easy way to diet. Click a naked picture of yourselves and make copies and stick it in your refrigerator, kitchen and dinning hall. Whenever you begin to eat something, look at the photograph, see all the extra pounds clinging on to you and you will automatically start dieting.

Side Effects: D Your body might become weak and numb. D Your naked photograph might be seen by a hot neighbor and your will become the BUTT of the area’s jokes.

6.) Dieting- the alternative:

This is for those who cannot see their own naked picture. Ask your mom or the cook to cook only the dishes which you hate the most. Eat in hotels which give cheap quality/bad taste of food. Automatically you will start dieting.

Side Effects: D Your body might become weak and numb. D You may develop gastritis.

7.) Hiking- push your enemy:

Those who do the hiking in hiker bikes in the gym may find it tiring after a while. So here is the alternative, pick your enemy and take her/him to the top of a mountain in the name of hiking (you can sing the song, “VAARAAI…NEE VAARAAI” if you know Tamil). When you reach the top, give her/him a gentle push (remember that you should be gentle to others). It serves two purposes, one reducing your body mass and two doing away with your enemy.

Side Effects: D You might be charged for murder and get arrested by police. D Your enemy might be stronger than you and the tables might be turned over.

8.) Join Blue Cross- become a herbivore:

I know it’s hard for people to stick on to a veggie and fruit diet. So the alternative is to join in blue cross, attend the seminars and lectures given by them, if you have a heart then you will automatically turn into an herbivore. There is no side effects to this method but hard to follow.

9.) Forget your purse also your fat:

Whenever you go out for some party or work, don’t take your purse, just take money for one way auto/bus/taxi. So you will not be able to buy something to munch when you are hungry and on your way back home you should come by walk (“Be a man/woman, have some pride, don’t ask for lift, Shame on you!”). This method helps you forget your fat.

Side Effects: D There might arise an emergency and you will be left with no option than to beg.

10.) Nod – the simple exercise:

This is the simplest of all the methods we saw so far. It’s just a head shake method, like how you nod your head left to right when you say ‘NO’. You have to do it whenever they serve you fat rich food, just nod your head from left to right and then from right to left and say NO.

Side Effects: D Your body might become weak and numb. D You may develop gastritis.

Follow this religiously and enjoy your 6 or 8 packs.

P.S: These techniques are not for KAKI and/or KARTIK who are naturally bonish and multi packed.

35 comments:

Vinnie said...

....help them cross the road by carrying them :):)i ddnt know u had such noble ideas!!

naked photo might work..but in what way...hmmmm

i like it, Lance...great research n insights here complete with side effects n all!!

Lancelot said...

@ Vinnie

Thank you for recognising my noble ideas- and PERVERT for the second one :P

and its not research- its all experience...

viji said...

i was scrolling til down to c ur 4 pack.. where is the poto??? :D

Lancelot said...

@ viji

sorry la...no posting of 4 packs- will be post only wen I achieve my six packs...which is not farfeetched (title of this blog yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)

Karthick Krishna CS said...

did u notice nayanthara's 7 packs??? u can see in the movie billa and sathyam (particularly in that chellame song).. you could've helped her earlier.. its ok, late better than never...




p.s. some people's six pack starts from their stomach and goes down... ;)... and those who r fat, we can make it as six BAGS (for ppl lik ajit and prabhu)

Lancelot said...

@ Kaki

lippo suction pathi i dint write :P..she doesn't have 7 packs all she has skin covered over her once upon a time abs- and I hate her may be I can coach my Pooja or Trisha...antha PSaa konjam detailedaa explain seyavum short form laa galijaa meaning varuthu :P...for people like ajith its called FAMILY PACK not 6 bags :P

Karthick Krishna CS said...

@LL
naan p.s. la edhuvum kalijaa sollala.. appadi therinja adhu unga manasula irukkura azhukku.. ;)

Senorita said...

@ Lancelot...good one...I follow the last one religiously...:P

Lancelot said...

@ Sen

How u manage to do it??I cannot resist food that too which looks spicy and yummy :P

Lancelot said...

@ kaki

thalai pampariyum pambinak kaal :P

swathi paul(dew drop) said...

guess wat i tried the swiming thing.oly that my instructior resembled a hippo,and was a lady.so o was not motivated to carry on.travelling by mtc bus daily is one way to lose weight.i lost ten kilos after joining college

Karthick Krishna CS said...

@LL
pambin kaal paambaatti arivaan

Lancelot said...

@ Swathi

ithu theriyaama poche ennaku bus la eri college poi inneram oru figureaa ushaar panni irukalaamae ...

Lancelot said...

@ kaki

entha "ri" ingaa?? u mean SAWING or KNOWING :P

Karthik said...

Stick a Naked photo of an actress daily behind your friend ask him to run.. If you are a PERVERT, run behind him... If you get bored, stick 5-6 photos daily... U can become friend of Hugh Hefner to get potos daily

Karthik said...

1. If you drive fast or Malfunctioning of BRAKE, her ass get damaged added to which your ass get damaged by LADY CONSTABLE as LANCE faced the same situation in 2004 at Broadway when followed a BLUE JEAN

2. Lance who got into hospital, dint meet hot nurse but corrected the cleaner MUNIYAMMA, who is the wife of SALT KOTTA SILUVA.. the case is in NILUVA...

Karthik said...

3. lance is a TAMIL CINEMA hero.... When he lifts a paathi or grand ma "EN KADAMAIYA THAANE SENJEN ( I've done my duty" and if its a Young blonde, hot chick "UNGALA VITHA YAARUKKU SEIYA POREN (Other than you whom am gonna help??")

4. if you had shown this interest, INDIA would have broken PHELPS record... He targeted GOLD.. But You got a COLD..

Dieting is with girls.. so jump out of topic...


7. KAKI and I should be careful because LANCE has called us for TREKKING!!! Then its PORAAI NEE PORAAI....

Karthik said...

Would be happy if the girl had dragged her dress a little more up :P Stupid boy.. Uploaded before she undressed... :P

Bhu said...

nice blog.. interesting research .. but considering the effect that these are your expirences , i dont think anybody wants to risk :P

Lena said...

ummm.... have you tried them all? i guess we can advice people to follow something only after we have experienced it with our own skin :P

and if you did it all... umm.. you really clicked a naked picture? :D

Lancelot said...

@ Bhu

its upto u to be a family packed girl or try this and become an 8 pack like me :P

Lancelot said...

@ lena

thanks for dropping by, yes I shud say I tried it all and about the naked pic I leave it to ya wild imagination - let it RUN wild :P :P :P

Lancelot said...

@ Kartik

all you questions will be answered tonight wait and see :P

Krishna Kumar said...

Hi there! thank u for awakening me...as this is still a learning curve for me..i admit my mistake..and i've changed that post(literally a review) have a look and please tell ur feed back

http://kk05zz.wordpress.com/2009/01/14/slumdog-millionaire-a-review/

Thank you!

Lancelot said...

@ Kartik

its an evidence to the blog world now that you are a PERVERT :P

about your 1. the BOTTOM line is after damage just run and run and run from that place(its again an exercise) and its not a blue jean i followed but a black pant from high court,,, :P )

2. yeah i tried correcting munimma(semma kattai machan athu) but Siluva fellow picked her up :(

3. those dialogues were copyrighted by me mariyathaya royalty kodu,,,

4. Phelps enna machi phelps naan avana vidaa fast...


7. neenga rendu perum trekking varaati kuda ungala pottu thalittu thaan maru vellai...

about the girls dress..
I refer SJ Surya's dialogue in new though spoken by Aishwarya to Simran, "Muda vendiyathaa mudi kaata vendiyatha kaatrathullathaan kickae"...

viji said...

**** did u try to find out y i cant get notifaction abt ur comments???

Lancelot said...

till now u dint recieve notification eh???not even the ones i sent this morning???

Lancelot said...

check ya comemnts page in the BLOG SETTINGS...and make sure the comments being mailed to your email id...(Dr Kaki's tip)

viji said...

**** everyone else i received. ONY YOUR. :(

Chriz said...

hey... i already developed my first pack after reading this post..

will develop the rest 5 with in evening... next meet panrein...

ennoda blog pakkam vandhamaikku nandri..

and man i am the blogrolling of the you

Lancelot said...

@ Chriz,

thanks for dropping by and good luck with ya packs...and parthu roll pannungaa adi pattuda poguthu...

Trey Baird said...

I love it. These are all great ideas. If they did this kind of stuff on The Biggest Loser, I might actually watch it.

Lancelot said...

@ Trey Baird


thanks for dropping by...and yeah the biggest loser has asked me to sell them these ideas- negotiations are going on...:P (btw u meant u will that naked pic idea right??? :P)

lynda ann amma said...

better advice than in the diet books!

Lancelot said...

@ amma

thank u :)

Genius Kamal ! ! !

Trisha : கண்ணோடு கண்ணைக் கலந்தாளென்றால் களங்கம் உள்ளவன் எச்சரிக்கை உடனே கையுடன் கைகோர்த்தானா ? ஒழுக்கங் கெட்டவள் எச்சரிக்கை ஆடை க...