Shiva- Noah – Virococha has a SMS for you…(Part-2)  

Posted by Lancelot in ,

For those who read the first part and still wondering what the opposite of heaven does Lancelot mean by his post, I am sorry for confusing you. This series, MYTHOLOGY- A MYTH OR REALITY is to bring in the like stories in various mythologies, for instance the first post being on Achilles’s heel and Duryodhana’s thighs. You can read that here “Hail Lancelot”.

Now as to the second part of this series, in the last post you read about Mr Noah, now it’s the time to read about Shiva.

LORD SHIVA: Meet Mr Shiva- the Destroyer. Shiva literally means the auspicious one. Shiva is considered as the destroyer. Alright I am sure most of you know him (How many of you are the hardcore fans of the Sitcom OM NAMAH SHIVAYAH in DD??? – I Just Love the show), he is also known as Rudra. He has several names one among it is Pichandi (means Beggar – BHIKSHA means begging or seeking alms- One of Shiva’s story is about he carrying a skull in his hand and begging (Please note this, I will tell you what’s its significance in the Viracocha part). After the Dwapara Yuga, the Hindu myth says that there was a great Deluge (Please note that every mythology – civilization speaks about this Deluge- may be I should write a separate blog on the same). The myth says that this great Deluge was created by Lord Shiva to destroy the people on earth as he was not happy with the way they lived. How it happened? Shiva called Mr Brahma and said, “Excuse me Brahma dude, can you please put the seeds of creation in a pot and keep on Mount Kumaru?” Brahma asked, “Why should I do that buddy?” Shiva replied, “Man these human buggers (for tamilians மானுடபதர்கள்) are bugging me, I am gonna flush them out, so you better save some seeds for recreating them after the flushing” Brahma was shocked but as he cannot oppose Lord Shiva, all he said was, “Yo bro ! ! !” (Ok they were the first official rappers- who feel like God). So Lord Brahma went and took a pot (Kumbam- refer the pic for the model kumbam) and put the seeds of creation (one male and one female of each) and kept it on Mount Kumaru. Shiva in the form of Rudra did his OOZHI THANDAVAM (OOZHI-universe- he took the Vishwarupa-growing like Hagrid from the size of a Goblin- he covered from sky to earth) and flushed the world and people with flood. Once he washed out all the sinners, he summoned Michael Westmore (Kamalji’s makeup man in Dasavatharam) and asked him to change his getup as a hunter, Mike did the same. Then he took an arrow and shot it using a bow and broke the pot (Kumbam) into pieces and the seeds of creation came into the land and from there the new generation of species started. The place where the pot broken is Kumbakonam (in Thanjavur District, Tamil Nadu) and there you have the Kumbeswara Temple depicting Lord Shiva and the famous Mahamaham is related to this temple. So this is the Hindu mythological version of the same story.

(Please Note: There is also another version of the story in Hindu Mythology- which I am not going deep into as that is related to Mr Manu- the sole cause for the caste discrimination in India- according to that story - Manu was washing his hands in a river when a little fish swam into his hands and begged him to save its life. He put it in a jar, which it soon outgrew; he successively moved it to a tank, a river and then the ocean. The fish then warned him that a deluge would occur in a week that would destroy all life. Manu therefore built a boat which the fish towed to a mountaintop when the flood came, and thus he survived along with some "seeds of life" to re-establish life on earth. The fish is none other than Vishnu in his Matsya Avatar- seems like 2 versions for this Avatar too)

Next meet the most interesting Virococha or Viracocha.

VIROCOCHA: Meet Mr Virococha- the Incan God. Virococha or Verococha literally means “Sea Foam”. Britannica refers him as, “Creator god of the pre-Inca inhabitants of Peru later assimilated into the Inca pantheon. A god of rain, he was believed to have created the Sun on the waters and foam of Lake Titicaca. After forming the rest of the heavens and the earth, he wandered through the world teaching humankind the arts of civilization. At Manta (Ecuador) he walked westward across the Pacific Ocean, promising to return one day. His cult was extremely ancient, and he is probably the weeping god sculpted in the megalithic ruins at Tiwanaku” He is the most important god in the Inca mythology. He was the god of Sun and Storms. He was represented as wearing the sun for a crown, with thunderbolts in his hands, and tears descending from his eyes as rain. Further the Inca mythology says that he made the sun, moon, and the stars, he made mankind by breathing into stones; he wandered the earth disguised as a beggar (now you know why I mentioned about Pichandi), teaching his new creations the basics of civilization, as well as working numerous miracles. Now coming to the flood part of the story, Virococha was displeased with his first creation, who were brainless giants, so he destroyed them with floods and made a new, better one from smaller stones. Unu Pachakuti is the name of the flood caused by Viracocha to destroy the giants.

There ends the story part of it, now the SMS from them- the SMS is very long and for some geniuses like Kartik as to whether such long SMS can be sent- Dude this SMS is sent by God himself- he can do whatever he wants to, so just read.

“YOU’VE GOT A MESSAGE”: “Dear humans, this is God here, don’t ask me whether I am Shiva or Jesus or Allah, I am just one, its you who gave me so many different names, you can call me as you wish, but don’t fight in my name, because its illogical to fight within oneself. By the way, what the hell have you done to my earth, when I created the earth it was not like this, there were no industries, no pollution, no automobiles. Earth is my master piece (I like moon too but still earth comes first) and you morons have ruined it with your shit. Don’t you understand the message your forefathers have left you through Noah, Virococha and Shiva’s stories- that if you are disgraceful, I will destroy you (No, I didn’t promise Noah that I will not destroy earth again, even if I have promised him, rainbow is under my control, what if I don’t make the rainbow appear at all?) and I have been giving you warnings by means of earth quakes, tsunamis, raise of sea level and so many other stuffs, I have implanted the problem of global warming in the brains of few who are shouting at different decibels. So you better wake up and stop polluting my earth. Remember you are just a tenant and not the owner. P.S: Arun is the hottest guy in my creation”

THE END

P.S: The P.S in the SMS was written by me and not by god, so just chillax maadi he he he…

Shiva - Noah - Verococha has a SMS for you…(Part-1)  

Posted by Lancelot in ,

This is in continuation with my Mythology- is it a myth or reality series. For those who have not read the truth about my previous birth and how I am related to mythical characters click here “I acknowledge the fact that Lancelot is the handsomest guy in the world”. In this blog we are going to see the connection between Lord Shiva in Hindu mythology/religion – Noah in bible and Verococha in Inca Civilisation. I should here by recognize my mom’s hand in this blog as she is the one who enlightened me with the history/geography/mythology about Lord Shiva and thanks to my school for enlightening me about Noah during the Christmas day skits. Let’s see one by one, to start with the widely known story of NOAH.

NOAH’s ARK:

Meet Mr Noah, most of you know him as a character in bible, how many know that he also appears in Quran?

Bible (also in the book of Genesis) refers him as the tenth and last of the antediluvian Patriarchs whereas Quran refers him as a Prophet. Ok what did Noah do in Bible/Quran? God was angry with the mankind, their wickedness, so he decided to punish them. But he asked Noah (as he is the Naatamai of the world then) the good man of the lot to build an Ark and asked him to take on board his family and representatives of the animals and birds (here I presume that our god forgot the formula of creation and so he did not want to have the trouble of reinventing it, so he asked Noah to get samples instead – one male and one female to be precise, for those who are wondering why one male and one female and some geniuses like Kartik who will ask what if the male species which Noah chose is impotent or if the female is not fertile – I will just ask you to die, go to God and ask him the same question).

Noah and his family and the animals entered the Ark, and "on the same day all the fountains of the great deep were broken up, and the windows of heaven were opened, and the rain was upon the earth forty days and forty nights". The flood covered even the highest mountains to a depth of more than 6 meters (20 ft), and all creatures died; only Noah and those with him on the Ark were left alive. At the end of 150 days the Ark came to rest on the mountains of Ararat. For 150 days again the waters receded, and the hilltops emerged. Noah sent out a raven which "went to and fro until the waters were dried up from the earth". Next, Noah sent a dove out, but it returned having found nowhere to land. After a further seven days, Noah again sent out the dove, and it returned with an olive leaf in its beak, and he knew that the waters had subsided. Noah waited seven days more and sent out the dove once more, and this time it did not return (nandri ketta pura). Then he and his family and all the animals left the Ark, and Noah made a sacrifice to God, and God resolved that he would never again curse the ground because of man, nor destroy all life on it in this manner. Man in turn was instructed never to eat any animal which had not been drained of its blood. In order to remember this promise, God put a rainbow in the clouds, saying, "Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." (That’s why the rain stops when rainbow appears)

End of part 1 – to be contd…

How to pick a girl for date tomorrow?  

Posted by Lancelot in ,

This blog is dedicated to my uyir(edukara)nanban Kartik who is now penning a blog about why he is not supporting Valentine’s day and how he is thinking about being a Muthalik follower. This blog is for all

the despo guys who doesn’t have girl friend and who wants to pick a girl tomorrow and take her out on a date. (This doesn’t mean Kartik is desperate and he asked me to write this blog to help him and his likeabouts). I am trying to give it as a dialogue between a XY and XX.



Situation- 1

(XY and XX- any place like bike stand, bus stand, before the toilet)

XY: Hi what plan’s tomorrow yaar?

XX: Tomorrow? What’s special about tomorrow? (It shows she is still single and not interested in western ideologies, so better to cut this sequence short and show your self a like minded like her)

XY: Oh nothing, they say its Valentine’s Day tomorrow so just asked you about it. Alright then if you are free shall we go to temple tomorrow? It will be free of those love birds for the first time.

XX: Yeah da sure, we will meet tomorrow at 6p.m. at Kabaleeshwar temple.

(later the same day at home to her mom, “Ma, XY is really good you know he is not going anywhere tomorrow for that stupid Valentine’s day thing he called me for temple, I am going tomorrow” Of course the mom of such a girl will be just like her and will reply, “Eshwara, such a good boy in this century eh? You should only do friendship with him”. The next day at temple after completing the worship, XY asks XX, “Hey I am having a very bad headache shall we go and have a coffee in that shop” XX, “Sure da”. There you go you have got yourself a date on Valentine’s Day and took her out for coffee as well.)

Situation- 2

(XY and XX- any place like bike stand, bus stand, before the toilet)

XY: Hi what plan’s tomorrow yaar?

XX: Tomorrow nothing yaar, Valentine’s Day is for lovers not for me. (Means she is single, lucky you- else she will say I am going out with my boy friend da…your reply should be, “Oh that’s cool- check my ears there is no smoke”)

XY: Oh! How come? Such a combo- beauty with brains- still single? That’s weird… (XX – clean bowled)

XX: He He He…Just like that…so what plans for you sir?

XY: Nothing yaar…no girl will like me yaar…me still single… only my dog loves me yaar.

XX: Hey don’t say like that… You can get girls like this yaar (snapping her fingers)… Why not ask someone out yaar, I am sure no one can resist you…

XY: Don’t pull my legs yaar…

XX: No No I swear…

XY: Oh then will you come with me tomorrow to the disc? As you are also single lets go and let our hair lose?

XX: (she can give you two replies) He He He smart move… lets go tomorrow then…

[Or] Sorry yaar I cannot come…

XY: (If the reply is the later one, start the old record again) See I told you no girl will come with me… never mind…

(The options are either she will come with you or she will think you are a real despo case, nevertheless try this with as many girls till someone say yes)


Situation- 3

(XY and XX- any place like classroom, bike stand, bus stand, before the toilet) (Pick the single cute girl and make her tell you THANKS or THANKS A TON, for instance…)

XY: Hey you missed your book in the science lab here it is…

XX: Oh Thanks…

XY: Hey can’t escape just with a simple thanks, buy me a cup of coffee tomorrow… (Now she cannot escape)

[Or]

XY: Hey you missed your book in the science lab here it is…

XX: Hey Thanks a ton…without this book how will I prepare for the exams on Monday…

XY: A Ton eh? It’s too heavy to carry back home instead you take it back and buy me a cup of coffee tomorrow… (caught)

Follow this and get a date…


HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY

With love,

Lancelot

P.S: A LOT CAN HAPPEN OVER A COFFEE- but how to drag it forward depends solely on you.

P.P.S: For those who don’t understand the usage of XX and XY- XX refers to the female chromosomes and XY refers to the male chromosomes.

P.P.P.S: As many of you have not understood the story, “THE CONFUSED GHOST”, I am adding this explanation; well did you read the card it shows that the frenchie guy is a Ventriloquist, means a person who can reproduce sounds without moving his lips. He is the one who made the shrieking noise which made our Mr Ghost to be scared of his death. If you remember, you will see through the eyes of the ghost that the frenchie guy was bargaining with the owner for the price, despite of the fact that he heard about our Mr Ghost’s gimmicks, it means he doesn’t believe in ghosts and just that he wanted to buy this place at low cost, so he is now chasing the other interested party out so he will become the sole buyer and can get a low price for the same. THE END.

And CCTV is a closed circuit television.

P.P.P.P.S: Again the pic in negative is a lead for something big.

DISCLAIMER: Copyrights of the pics displayed are to the person who took it or has copyright over it – I am not claiming its mine- If the readers think so, please feel free to sue them.


The Confused Ghost  

Posted by Lancelot in ,

Oops not another one interested in this house. Now I should do the mundane stuff to chase these two guys out. Where else will I get a house like this in a prime location? Everything is close by, the Bus Stand, Airport, and Railway Station at times when I want to travel I travel light and easy. The house is very well ventilated, surrounded by trees. I have been here for the last 5 years after my death.

It so happened that the landlord happened to see me once, few days after I chose this house to haunt. It became a big issue and they even set out a full level investigation on this issue for revealing me to a living. But I managed to surpass the trial and got a clean chit, the case is even reported in the Ghost yearly magazine. My contentions were simple, how an illiterate ghost can read the spell book provided to him/her? No, I didn’t read the spell book they gave me so didn’t use the spell which hides me from human eyes, not my fault though being a first time Ghost, that’s when they introduced the spells in CD-ROM compatible in iPod and other MP3 players. Well coming back to the landlord, the day he saw me he fell sick, (Attention girls reading this, I am not at all bad looking; I also won the Mr Ghost award consecutively for 2 years, 2006, 2007; just that he was already bit by an infective female Anopheles mosquito) So he decided to sell or at the least rent the house to someone else. So he vacated the house immediately. After that the house was empty for 3 months, I was bored to life to be alone nothing to do, no one to watch, that’s the problem of being death and single you see. I am a teetotaler so was not welcomed by any other Friday night Ghost parties or to those Saturday night strip teasers. So I was keeping my fingers crossed for the house to be occupied by someone. I also felt scared to be alone.

Then a family came in I was happy to see them, with two kids thought it would be fun to watch the brother and sister fight. But things went unexpected, the noise they made was disturbing my peaceful death. So, one fine day I started making weird noises, showed me self to the master of the house and knocked at their bedroom door when their cot was making you-know-what-they-are-doing rhythmic noise. They not only vacated the house but also spread the word about my haunting to the public as I expected, from then this house was all for me.

Now and then few so called brave men come here and look at the house either to buy or to rent. When my peaceful death is under death threat, I use the photo there (Can you see it? The old man’s pic taken when he was alive, I don’t know his whereabouts, as I didn’t see him even in the Annual Conference, which was held at Afghanistan this year (Majority decides the country of meeting- democracy rules) I guess he should have found a new body- in your living terms reborn somewhere) and make some noise or talk to them, describe their looks and costumes, yeah I am very rude. That will do the needful of their voluntary running away from the house.

Now these two guys here are one of them, let them come to the room where Mr Photo frame is in. Wait who is that guy with frenchie? I have seen him somewhere; hmmm I guess this guy came last time too, give me a minute will check my CCTV records and confirm. (Read the next line exactly after 1 minute) I am right he was the one who went to the extent of bargaining with the landlord as to the price despite of my howling from the photo frame, cockeye huh? Let me show who the boss is. Let them enter into the room. Tik tik tik… They have reached for the doors, hand on the door knob, he rotates in.

“Who is disturbing my sleep; let me have them for lunch ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…” Holy Cow, what is that? Shrieking noise, did you make it? No No it’s not me…If its not you and if it’s not me who else it can be? Woh check out the guys running they can beat Bolt hands down. But who made the noise? Let me check, “Hey old man, old man…did u make the noise??” ( ) No reply from him, so it cannot be him. Shit man its quite scary to be alone in this house, with such shrieks, let me check my CCTV records may be it can reveal who made that scary noise. ( )

Bloody hell no one in the video, this looks like a horror movie story, hey wait what’s there in the 13:23 minute let me rewind it again and play in slow mode <<<<< > > > > > that frenchie has dropped something in the room.

What’s in here, it looks like a business card,



P.S: this is again a ghost story but with ghost unlike my previous one sans ghost. This seems like a ghost month with Karthik and Thoorika coming up with similar stuff.

P.P.S: The photo of someone in negative is the lead for my next blog.

P.P.P.S: This blog is in special dedication to Antara Mali aka Vinaya (for joining me and someone together), Senorita aka Deepa (for calling me the guy who looks like Brad Pitt and my attitude as that of Pierce Brosnan) and G3 akka aka Gayathri (for that wonderful magic she performed in my CV)